I can't look at grandparents or elderly couples without feeling resentment at the fact that I may never see my own parents this way. Young children with their fathers make me wish I could go back to my own childhood to re-live my life... just to have more time. I can't bear to imagine his suffering and all the deterioration yet to come. It tears me to pieces. I saw a shooting star last night and tried to wish for all three of them, but realized it was too much for one wish... I had to pick one. Crying, I thought "My father. Please let me keep my father!" I'm not ready for this... this uncertainty, this sorrow, this unavoidable impending loss... I want more time, but I don't want to see him suffering. This is all so fucking difficult. He's wasting away, and I'm not there.